Do you ever look back on your memories and wonder if any of them were real? Or do you wonder if you only saw what you wanted to see? I have so many questions and I dont think I like the answers. Maybe I really was that horrible of a girlfriend. Maybe he really never loved me. Maybe it was pity or boredom, not love. I know I gave up the good for the best. And my life is better without him in it. Maybe I'm overanalyzing this. But there was a time when I was his girlfriend. When he called me beautiful. And oh the burn of his speedy recovery. And how it hurts to have him call her things he never called me. Or to envision him doing things with her he once did with me. I turned down so many dates to spare his feelings. Did he ever stop to consider mine? Or was it just about him having what he needs?
But this is life. Men move on quicker than women do. And I've filled my life. Even went on a date. I'm buying a tv with a vcr and possibly a dvd player. I'm working like crazy and earning enough to get by with a little cushion. I'm applying to college for the fall. I'm making new friends and reconnecting with old ones. I'll be okay. And someday soon I'll fall in love for real, with my whole heart not just a part. That's worth waiting for.
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