VDay

so i broke up with the bf two days before vday. long story and im not getting into it. my mom is my valentine date lol. thanks mom.

my life is tough right now. lots going on. but imma gonna get through it one day at a time. only God knows what the future holds. im not gonna try to guess.

been listening to avril lately. probably a bad idea, shes so bitter.

why are some people so damn hard to get over?

how do you know when ur with the right person anyways? grrrr. what is love? and where is my special someone?

idk. i dont feel good. and im tired. maybe i'll feel better soon.

the cure

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do

So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to
laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry

I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away

Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more

Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

"Boys dont cry" -- the cure. ...Girls dont cry. we move on. we dont wish to close the door on the past but we dont look back either. we know when a relationship is over and we find joy in moving on to something better. I've got a man worth being faithful to. who trusts me. and whos trust i've earned. He treats me like a princess and comes to the rescue when i need him the most. I'm grateful to have him in my life.

so why is everyone afraid i'll go back to my ex? He was and is a decent human being. just wasnt meant to be. and after what i did to him he never wants me back. and i care too much to leave the one im with now. so stop freaking out people.... im not going back to him.

neutral milk hotel night again

Gardenhead / Leave Me Alone

There are beads that wrap
Around your knees that crackle into the dark
Like a walk in the park like a hole in your head
Like the feeling you get when you realize you're dead
This time we ride roller coasters into the ocean
We feel no emotion as we spiral down to the world
And I guess it's worth your time
Because there's some lives you live
And some you leave behind
It gets hard to explain
The gardenhead knows my name

Leave me alone, for you know this isn't the first time
In fact this is twice in a row
That the angels have slipped through our landslide
And filled up our garden with snow
And I don't wish to taste of your insides
Or to call out your name through my phone
For the glory boys at your bedside will love you
As long as you're something to own

Follow me through a city of frost covered angels
I swear I have nothing to prove
I just want to dance in your tangles
To give me some reason to move
But to take on the world at all angles
Requires a strength I can't use
So I'll meet you up high in your anger
Of all that is hoping and waiting for you

man, i hope i didnt mess him up as bad as i messed myself up.

band of horses

It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

And anything to make you smile
It is a better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down

idk what to do now.

arcade fire

It takes fightin' day and night
to make such a good thing die

but i managed just fine. :-(

in other news..... y the hell is everyone relapsing??? and y is everyone homeless?

and y does God make me stay up all night just to help a friend? cuz every time i pull an allnighter someone ends up needing help. God, You are weird.

Anyways im off to rescue a friend, feed him and put him to bed. bc that's just what i do.

velvet underground

I'll be your mirror Reflect what you are, in case you don't know I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset The light on your door to show that you're home When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you're twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands 'Cause I see you I find it hard to believe you don't know The beauty that you are But if you don't let me be your eyes A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you're twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands 'Cause I see you I'll be your mirror


I am tired, I am weary I could sleep for a thousand years A thousand dreams that would awake me Different colors made of tears

saw him tonight. still makes me panic. still makes me feel everything i am stuffing. i hate that. i hate the fact that i'm letting him affect my serenity. that seeing him makes me want to go to another meeting. but if thats what it takes to regain peace, i'll go.

in other news, i'm working on my english paper.... a critical analysis of a speech by ronald reagan. its supposed to be research free. ha. like i know who Billie Sol Estes was.

vitamin water lies

it says it has everything you need.

well i need more than vitamins and water. i need a roof over my head. food on my table. and money in my pocket. and since i just found out that i've been sanctioned by dss none of those is likely to happen for a while. i'm doing my part to fix this, but i gotta be honest, i'm a little discouraged. i'm struggling to balance everything. and i feel like i'm dropping the ball.


And I'm sorry I treat you this way

Deep inside the shell I crawl into
Crying alone I know I'll get by
Please stay away
I just don't want to see you
The things that you say I know they're all lies

But I don't understand what the story's about
Explain to me please how the sunlight got out

Please don't leave me here
Dreaming alone with phantoms

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/p/porcupine_tree/#share

or maybe i dont want to see him because i dont have any good news to share. im losing my grip on things. maybe i really cant do it without him. i dont think that's true. but i'd like some evidence to the contrary.


You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and father
Then my world was shattered
Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed if i just dreamed
Somehow you would be here

Wishing i could hear your voice again
Knowing that i never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed i could
Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumental seem for you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle

Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say "goodbye"
Try to forgive teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories no more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years
Help me say "goodbye"
Help me say "goodbye"

God, i miss Howard. maybe he would know what i should do now. :-/

i sure dont.